To say I was excited to be chatting to the renowned parenting and baby specialist – Pinky McKay – is an understatement! Pinky has published numerous books around sleep, crying, toddlers and parenting. She has appeared in various parenting columns as well as TV and media appearances. She is a mother of 5 and a hands on grandmother of 3.
We got to chat to Pinky about her upcoming talk at the Essential Baby and Toddler Show in Sydney 23 – 25 September and asked her some questions from our readers about various topics on babies, toddlers and parenting.
Sleep Love and Your Baby’s Brain
Child Blogger – Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to chat to us! Can you please give us a summary of the talk you will be giving at the Essential Baby and Toddler Show this weekend.
Pinky – I really want to address the unrealistic expectations Mum’s put on themselves and their babies. With a lot of talk about ‘strict routines’ where you have to watch the clock in regards to your child, I find this can become really unhealthy on the mother and the baby and can affect the way they bond. If breastfeeding is important to you, then spacing out feeding (as suggested by some baby routines) can cause you to produce less milk as the continuous production of milk is dependent on how frequently you feed and respond to your child’s feeding needs. I definitely recommend responding to your baby’s cry and feeding them when necessary, especially in those first couple of month’s when feeding and bonding is most crucial.
Controlled Crying
Child Blogger – There is always a lot of talk in the media about controlled crying. What is your stance around this?
Pinky – I don’t recommend controlled crying to the mother’s that seek my advice. There is a couple of reasons for this. First of all, you don’t know if you are ignoring a baby’s underlying medical condition by making them cry it out. If they are suffering from something, then how is letting them cry it out helping that baby? A baby can not tell you what’s wrong with them and by ignoring or ‘controlling’ their cries, you are basically ignoring their call for help. There has also been studies conducted in the US showing that when a baby was left to cry, the cortisone levels of the mother and baby were very high, and even when the baby eventually fell asleep, they found the baby’s cortisone levels quite high which is a sign of stress and could eventually lead to childhood anxiety. I always say to parents, filter information you read and receive. It needs to be safe and respectful to the child and follow your instincts! If it feels hard, then don’t do it.
Child Blogger – Back to your talk this upcoming weekend, what other insights can you share with our readers.
Routine
Pinky – I’ll be talking about mother’s fitting a routine around their child and not the other way around. For example, if the morning is when the baby sleeps the longest, then I suggest cooking in the morning, or doing the laundry at that time. It might not fit your normal routine of doing things but I find it becomes easier if mother’s respond to their baby. I also talk about sleep and how to tweak a baby’s sleep and addressing what is waking up that child during the night. I like to look at the whole picture and address any underlying issues that may be affecting the ability for that baby to sleep.
Toilet Training
Child Blogger – The talk sounds like it will be really insightful for Mum’s! Now we have a couple of questions from our readers who have various issues that they would love some advice around. First up we have a Mum of a 2.5 year old who is trying to toilet train her daughter but she is refusing to sit on the toilet or potty. What can you recommend for her to do?
Pinky – Take the pressure off you and your child. I recommend to wait for the warmer weather to begin toilet training as its easier for the child to run around with just undies on or naked. Keep in mind that every child matures differently so some might be ready at 2 and others not until they are 3! Talk about it with your child but don’t make a big deal about it.
Dummy Problems
Child Blogger – A mother of a 3 year old little boy is desperately wanting to wean him off the dummy but doesn’t know where to begin?
Pinky – A lot of the times a child picks up a dummy because they are bored. I suggest keeping the child busy at home with sensory play, such as paint and water for example. Take note on what time during the day the child is asking for the dummy. How can you distract him when that times rolls around. Over time, talk about him no longer needing the dummy and eventually introduce the dummy fairy to him. Let him know the dummy fairy will come to take his dummy away but will leave a toy for him in return for being such a good boy.
Breastfeeding
Child Blogger – First time Mum is 7 months pregnant and wants to know if there is anything she can do now to make breastfeeding easier once the baby arrives?
Pinky – So many things you can do to help your chances of breastfeeding once the baby arrives. It would be great to chat to other Mum’s who have successfully breastfed and hear their tips and tricks. Get the midwife to check your boobs and nipples before the baby arrives to see that there isn’t any major problems that would prevent you from breastfeeding successfully. There’s tons of information on the ABA website and I suggest watching breastfeeding videos on YouTube. At 36 weeks you can hand express colostrum from your breast and ziplock it and store it in the freezer. Take it with you to the hospital because on the 2nd/3rd day of baby being born, there is usually a lot of crying and midwives have the tendency to introduce formula to the baby which can then lead to unnecessary gut problems. Let the midwife know you have breastmilk stored that they can give to the baby instead.
Sibling Jealousy
Child Blogger – A Mum is pregnant with her second child and has a 2 year old who she finds is very clingy and possessive of her. What can she do to help the 2 year old to adjust?
Pinky – Imagine your partner bringing home another lover and expects you all to live in the same household happily ever after! That’s how your toddler is going to be feeling when a baby comes along and takes the attention away from them. Prepare for an adjustment period and some regression from your toddler. I suggest telling the toddler how important they are to the baby. When you are breastfeeding, try to sit on the floor next to your toddler. Prepare activities for the toddler to do while you are breastfeeding. A cupboard box with crayons is perfect for them! Let them sit inside the box and colour away. Also Google ‘busy bags’. These are great to keep your toddler busy. Don’t forget to squeeze in Mum and Toddler time. Even if it’s just 30 mins before the toddler goes to sleep, the toddler will need that one on one time with Mummy. Make sure you also shine the limelight on your toddler when guests come to see the baby. Put it back on your toddler and say something to the guests like “Did you know Simon can sing his ABC’s?” and watch the attention shine on them for a bit.
Pinky will be speaking about “Sleep, Love and Your Baby’s Brain’ at the Essential Baby and Toddler Show in Sydney from September 23 – 25. You can register for the event for FREE before 5pm on September 22 by visiting www.babyandtoddlershow.com.au.
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